SAHM Vs Working Mum

Why is it that when we give birth we automatically inherit mothers guilt??
As I wrote about a while ago - I am back at work part time. 3 days a week. I'm a teacher so the hours are pretty reasonable, holidays are awesome and money isn't too bad but I hate leaving my little man.

So I'm wondering - is it just because he is 8 months old?and I feel like I'm missing so much or will I feel like this forever! guilt, guilt, guilt

I love it when I pick him up from daycare and he is so excited to see me :) but then I feel guilty that I haven't spent the day with him. Obviously when I think rationally I tell myself I'm working so that we can do more things as a family, have more money and be in a better financial position for the future but it still sucks.

I try to make the most of the days I have off by doing things with him, visiting other bubbas and friends but also love just staying at home and enjoying the simple moments we have.

I guess I just don't want to miss those 'firsts' with him.

xx

Flowers, pretty flowers.

Once upon a time I received a bunch of flowers for my birthday. They were pretty. But I made a mistake. One that B is still punishing me for reminding me of :)
We were away, staying in a caravan for the weekend of my birthday when I received the flowers, and I didn't have any vases to put them in. B and I had only gone away for a few days and were returning home on the day of my birthday and so I thought I'd wait to get home to put them into water. That was the first mistake.

Then we got home and excitedly I put down everything in the lounge room even the flowers. Then my parents took me out for dinner to celebrate my birthday and when we got home I went to sleeeeeep.

My little sister ended up putting the flowers into water for me. To B this was significant. He didn't believe me when I said I simply forgot to put them in a vase. Which I honestly sort of did. Anyways I did feel guilty about it. He was really upset that I hadn't looked after the flowers.

So since then I haven't received any bunches of flowers at all from B. I really miss that occasional surprise that I used to get -  mind you it has been over 6 years! I get kind of jealous when others share their stories of getting flowers. I wish I could rewind the clock and put them in water!!!
It's been a long time - obviously he isn't upset about it anymore. He says it's the principle of it. He's very stubborn huh!

* B does give me a rose on our anniversary. One for each year of marriage :) So that's sweet.

Help me - What do you think I can do to change B's mind? Is there any hope of me getting flowers again?
Do you have a similar story? Is your partner stubborn?
xx

Going back to work....

When I first found out I was pregnant, I had a plan.
I felt as though I needed to work out straight away where my dates would sit (Due date, Maternity Leave dates, 2011 Term dates) because being a teacher I knew that I would financially NEED to work at some point. So I sat down with B and we discussed what the options would be and came up with the following.

• I would try to work until the end of Term Three 2010 (My maternity leave was supposed to start two and a half weeks prior to this)
• If I did work until the end of Term Three - My mat leave would last us until after Xmas :)
• I'd go back to work part time at the start of Term 2, 2011 when our little man was 6 months old.
• We'd hopefully be able to have our mums look after him for a couple of those days - and he'd go to the childcare centre near my work for the remaining days.
• I'd try and pick up some CRT (casual relief teaching) during first term to cover some bills (and my ever growing shopping addiction!)

This way I felt as though I was able to dictate the terms of my returning to work - I wanted to go back before it was financially a necessity if you know what I mean. I'd still get to have my days with the little man, but also be financially secure enough to live our lives the way we want to! Holidays, dinners out! etc.

So anywho the time to return is creeping up on me! I am starting to feel a bit anxious - maybe even guilty. I don't want to leave my baby - but at the same time I think I'll enjoy the adult interaction. I don't know how to feel!

My MIL is going to be looking after the little man on Wednesday whilst I do a day of CRT (Casual Releif Teaching). I'm kinda excited that I am going to be teaching - my first day since early September. I'm looking forwad to doing what I have now made as my career. I have been told that I'll be teaching grade two - which is my favourite year level :) So there are positives to the day!

I know the little man will probably be fine. That too makes me sad. I love the smiles I get each day - the selfish moments that I have with him all to myself - the things that only we share. I don't really want anyone else to have those moments with him :( I know that it is selfish but........

I don't really know how I am going to cope - It's only 8 mintues from home so that is reassuring. I know that the money will come in handy. It will be enjoyable to interact in a professional capacity.

Those are the facts - but I'm going to be missing my little man all day long - but looking forward to all the snuggles and smiles that I will get when I return home...

xx